The Tesco’s Club Card membership told me Tesco’s Finest Wheat Beer would be the perfect beery beverage for asian girlfriend. It even came in a corked bottle. Fancy.

“More like Tesco’s foulest…”

Tesco fail.

Sam Smith Organic Best Ale boasts perhaps the world’s oldest beer award from 1896 proudly on it’s lable, yet being organic makes it super cool, hip and contemporary.

Right, Asian Girlfriend?

“Urgggh…why don’t you hippies just wash your underwear in my mouth”

Staropramen gets how many stars from asian girlfriend?

“Negative 30 million!”

Redstripe is the British festival favourite, and is consumed largely by high school children. If Redstripe is the fledgling drinker’s lager of choice,  perhaps it will be a perfect gate-way beer for Asian girlfriend:

“Bllleugh! I feel like some just vomitted in my mouth! Get it away! Away!”

Or not.

The experiment begins with what was on hand. Greene King IPA (Indian Pale Ale) is said to be ‘Britain’s Favourite Cask Ale’, but how does it fare with Asian girlfriend: “Uggghgh! Tastes more like ‘Icky Poo Ass’ beer to me. Disgusting! Have we got any juice!”